


Father Panic

by thisissparta789789



Category: Father Ted, Strawberry Panic!
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Parody, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romantic Comedy, Shoujo-ai, Sitcom, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 11:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissparta789789/pseuds/thisissparta789789
Summary: What happens when you binge Strawberry Panic and Father Ted back to back.





	1. A Song for St. Miator (Part 1)

"Fa la laaaa, la laaaaa," a young red-haired girl sang to herself as she read a magazine on a bed in a dorm room. "Laa daa daaaaa, da da daaaaa..."

Her roomate, a girl with blue hair in a ponytail, said to her as she smiled, "Ah, Nagisa-chan, you have such a pretty voice."

"Eh," Nagisa replied, brushing off the compliment. "It's nothing special. There are plenty of people who could blow me out of the water. Carnegie Hall is a bit far away for me, after all."

"Carnegie Hall," said a third girl in their room as she held a small Bluetooth speaker in her hands. She was younger and had a different shade of blue for her hair. "I got one about that. How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"

Tamao, smiling as she remembered a joke involving such a premise, used air quotes as she replied, "Practice, Chiyo-chan." Nagisa also got the joke and stifled a laugh.

Chiyo, confused and oblivious to the subject matter of the joke, replied, "Uhh... Huh?" One could tell she was too innocent to get the context of what Tamao meant when she said "practice."

"Isn't that that old joke?" Tamao tried explaining it to her, thinking Chiyo was telling said joke. "How do you get to Carnegie Hall as a girl? 'Practice.'"

"Huh?" Chiyo still did not get the joke.

Nagisa looked at Tamao and mouthed, "I don't think she gets it."

"Whatever," the bluenette replied. "Wait, were you asking where that is, Chiyo-chan?"

"Yeah," the other bluenette replied. "I don't know why that's so funny, or what any sort of practice has to do with that."

"It's in New York City," Nagisa replied. "Manhattan, to be exact."

"Oh, right, yeah," the young Chiyo replied. "Say, you guys don't mind if I put on a song from my phone, right?"

"Not at all," Nagisa assured her. "What is it?"

"A song from last year's AstraeaVision contest," Chiyo replied. "My older sister, who went to St. Spica and graduated last year, gave me a bunch of songs from last year's contest. Say, the qualifiers are coming up, if you guys are interested."

Nagisa, who had heard of AstraeaVision but had not paid much attention to the unique practice, asked her, "Are you saying we should write a song for it? Ehhh, I don't know... I've never had any sort of songwriting experience. I can play songs on the piano, but not so much write them." Then, she was interrupted when she got a phone call. "Hello?"

"Why hello," replied a familiar voice on the other end. "It's Sakiko-chan once more!"

Nagisa, who was annoyed she called, replied, "Ah, Sakiko, I see."

"So, are you entering AstraeaVision this year? My room temp has been driving me mad over it, so we decided to enter it. Why not enter it yourself? You could win it."

"I don't know," Nagisa began before she was interrupted.

"If all the other contestants died, of course!" Both Sakiko and her room temp laughed in the background as an annoyed Nagisa held the phone and listened.

"Look, I'm sure we would do just as well as you would."

"Yeah, no, you wouldn't." Sakiko continued to push Nagisa's buttons.

"Yes, we would."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Yes, we would."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Yes, we would."

"No, you wouldn't."

" _Yes,_ we would."

" _No_ , you wouldn't."

" **Yes, we would.** "

" **No, you wouldn't.** "

"Yes, we would, yes, we would, yes, we would!"

"No, you wouldn't times a thousand!"

"Yes, we-"

"JINX! NO CALLBACKS!" Sakiko then hung up suddenly.

Tamao asked a frustrated Nagisa, "What was that all about?"

"We are going to enter that contest if it's the last thing we do," Nagisa firmly replied. "Chiyo, get the guitar from the closet."

"But I thought we-"

Nagisa yelled, "I SAID, GET THE GUITAR!" Chiyo then ran off to the closet to grab a guitar Tamao had brought with her from home. She then dialed her girlfriend on her phone.

"Hello, Hanazono Shizuma speaking."

"Shizuma-chan, I'm entering the AstraeaVision contest with Tamao-chan and Chiyo-chan." Nagisa was determined to upstage Sakiko Minase, a fellow St. Miator student with whom she had a rivalry with. "I don't know what we will be entering with, but the three of us will come up with something, don't worry."

"Wow, you're fiery tonight," Shizuma replied as she chuckled. "Did Sakiko get on your nerves again?"

"Yes, she did," the redhead replied.

* * *

About 15 minutes later, the three girls all sat on the two beds. Tamao had a keyboard, Nagisa had a guitar, and Chiyo had paper to write down lyrics and notes. "Okay," Nagisa began as she tuned the guitar. "Tamao, what was that idea you had again?"

"Something about a lovely horse," she replied.

"Okay," Nagisa replied and nodded. "Chiyo-chan, write down "My Lovely Horse" by Aoi Nagisa, Suzumi Tamao, and Tsukidate Chiyo."

"On it," she replied as she wrote down the song title and credits. "Say, do you guys wanna do the lyrics first or the tune?"

"We'll do the lyrics first," Nagisa decided. "And then we'll fit the tune around it. Okay... One, two, three, four!"

Just as Nagisa and Tamao were going to begin playing or saying something, they both stopped as they hit a brick wall. Finally, Tamao broke the silence with, "Maybe we should do the tune first instead."

"Yeah," Nagisa replied before she strummed an A-minor.

"I like that one," Tamao suddenly spoke up, confusing Nagisa as to why she was impressed by only one note.

"I got some song lyrics," Chiyo then interjected. "How about, "My lovely horse, I want to hold you so tight. I want to rub my fingers through your tail and make love to you you all night?"

"Uhhh," Nagisa, horrified about what the lyrics implied, shot down the idea with, "Chiyo-chan, let's stop there. Let's try to keep out of the whole area of literally being in love with a horse. It's more "being friends with a horse," like with Amane-senpai and her horse. I'd rather it not be about Amane-senpai and her horse if her horse's name was Hikari." She referenced Amane's girlfriend, a fellow St. Spica student named Hikari Konohana.

"Ah," Chiyo replied, thinking she got the hint. "How about "Take my lump of sugar baby, 'cause you know you want it. I got a lot of loving, and I know you need it."

Tamao, also horrified, asked her, "Are you sure you didn't get my joke earlier?"

"Not at all," Chiyo replied, still blissfully unaware. "I'm just trying to do what those rap artists are doing. It seems to be pretty popular."

"If we were writing about other girls, or maybe boys, we really, really liked, that would work." Tamao had to remind her why that was a bad idea. "But we're singing about a horse, Chiyo-chan, and you're really not supposed to do those things with a horse. Those guys like Drake, Post Malone, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and all them, they're all writing about _people_ they are in love with or are attracted to _,_ not horses."

"Ah, I get it. It's fine. We'll come up with something better." Chiyo then gave her a thumbs-up.

Nagisa, now slightly frustrated, asked, "Anyway, Tamao-chan, are you ready to just do the tune then?"

"Yeah," Tamao replied, pumped to get the song done with. "Let's do this thing!"

“Uh, calm down... This is all just for fun, you know.” Nagisa was surprised Tamao was so into the song but welcomed the enthusiasm.

* * *

The dorm room was filled with cigarette smoke as Nagisa smoked away in frustration at the lack of progress. "Just play the fucking note!" She then took a cigarette out of her mouth and puffed smoke in agitation.

Tamao, still somehow confused, asked her, "The first one, Nagisa-chan?"

Nagisa suddenly erupted into an uncharacteristic fit of rage. "NO, NOT THE FUCKING FIRST ONE! THE FUCKING FIRST ONE IS ALREADY FUCKING DOWN! JUST PLAY THE FUCKING NOTE YOU WERE FUCKING PLAYING EARLIER! I’VE BEEN PLAYING THE FUCKING FIRST ONE! WE HAVE THE FUCKING FIRST ONE!” She then kicked around a few cans of soda the three had drank throughout the 5 hours.

"So, I, uh-"

"JUST PLAY THE FUCKING NOTE YOU'RE FUCKING PLAYING THERE! THE FUCKING ONE YOU WERE JUST FUCKING DOING! PLAY THE FUCKING NOTE!" She then threw the guitar down and sighed before she opened up the dorm room window to bring in fresh air. "Fucking hell!"

Chiyo, taken aback by Nagisa's rage, said to herself, "Oh my..." She had never seen her upperclassman get so angry before, or smoke before.

"I'm sorry you had to hear and see all that, Chiyo-chan." Nagisa comforted her as Tamao thought to herself. "I picked up smoking halfway through the year here due to the whole stress from the Shizuma situation before we actually got together-together. I haven't had a cigarette since last month before this bullshit happened." She then smoked the last of her cigarette and crushed it against the windowsill.


	2. A Song for St. Miator (Part 2)

Miyuki and Shizuma both sat on a couch in the St. Miator student council room as Nagisa, Tamao, and Chiyo got their song ready. The three wanted to try it out in front of them before they played it for the qualifiers. As the three got ready, Miyato polished an old double-barreled shotgun, much to the surprise of the three younger students. As Nagisa tuned her guitar, she asked her, "Rokujou-san, where did you get that shotgun?"

"It's an old gun from the campus-wide Shooting Club," she explained as she checked the breech. "I was in it before I got elected to the St. Miator Student Council, and right as I left, they gave this gun to me as a gift since they were retiring it. I polish it every now and then and maybe take it to the range once in a while." She then closed the breech. "Don't worry. I'm well-versed in gun safety."

"Ah," Tamao replied, interested. "I gotta get in on that." She then turned to Nagisa, "So, are you ready to play?" She then turned her keyboard on.

"Right," Nagisa replied as she nodded. Chiyo stood nearby, taking a video of the performance for review as she gave a thumbs-up.

Soon after Tamao pressed the tempo button on the keyboard, the two of them began to sing a rather simple and less-than-inspiring song.

_My lovely horse, running through the fields_

_Where are you going with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?_

_I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences_

_I want to polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist_

_My lovely horse, you're a pony no more_

_Running around with a man on your back, like a train in the night_

The song then ended rather abruptly since the three of them had run out of ideas. All three could tell neither of the upperclassmen particularly liked it. Nagisa, in the vain hope that maybe her girlfriend would like it, said, "So, uh, what do you think?"

Shizuma facepalmed in disbelief as Miyuki loaded a shell into the shotgun and fired suddenly at Nagisa's guitar, smashing it into pieces and starling all three of them. The platinum-haired upperclassman said to them, "That sums up what Miyuki-chan thinks."

"Right," Tamao replied, knowing their song would need much more work.

Chiyo said to them, "I got that all on camera, by the way."

Nagisa sighed. "Writing songs is so much harder than I thought."

* * *

 

Later on, Nagisa and Shizuma met up after classes at the latter's dorm to study together. "Rokujou-san was right. It's a terrible song."

"Don't get so down on yourself," she said to comfort her girlfriend. "You've never composed a song before."

"True," Nagisa noted. "The lyrics are okay. It's just the tune. It sucks. It's literally just a single note." The redhead then sighed.

"Hey," Shizuma replied as she pulled out a speaker connected to her phone. "I know a song that cheers me up. Me and Kaori found it while going through songs from Eurovision." She then played the song. "It was by a Danish group called the Troggidators. It's called Song For Me. It came 6th place in a Danish qualifiers in 1990."

The song sounded nice, with a relaxing beat and acoustic guitar backing. "That song sounds nice. If only me and Tamao-chan could come up with something like that." Then, she paused as she suddenly had an idea. "Say... Shizuma-chan, I suppose not many have heard that song, huh?"

"Not really," she replied as she shrugged.

"What ever happened to the Troggidators?" Nagisa made sure that Shizuma did not catch onto her plans.

"Oh, it's terrible," Shizuma began as she recalled what had happened to the band. "They all were killed in a boating accident in the North Sea a year later. So was the producer and the manager."

"How unfortunate," Nagisa replied, now feeling bad for what she was considering doing. "That's awful. Say, can you email me the mp3 for that song? I wanna save it to my phone."

"Sure thing," Shizuma replied, unaware of Nagisa's ulterior motives.

* * *

"So it's not stealing, correct?"

"Of course not, Chiyo-chan," Nagisa explained to her. "We are just gonna commemorate their memories through using the tune of their most well-known song, secretly."

Tamao still had her doubts. "Are you sure we should be doing any of this?"

"Look," Nagisa told her. "This band wasn't well-known. As long as we don't tell anyone, we should be 100% fine. Trust me. When have I ever le-" She then remembered a past memory. "Oh, right... Well, I won't let you down this time, Tamao-chan. All we gotta do is lose that dumb sax solo and we'll be fine."

* * *

 

A week later, the qualifiers for the contest were held. 5 groups had submitted songs to represent St. Miator in the contest. Tamao and Nagisa felt confident that "their" song would win, especially against whatever Sakiko and her room temp had planned for AstraeaVision. The crowd outside in the meeting hall was small, but they were very energetic.

As Chiyo applied makeup to Tamao, Nagisa noted to her, "Hopefully, we will go off without a hitch, no pun intended."

"You guys are gonna rock it out there," Chiyo replied as she finished with Tamao's makeup. Both her and Nagisa were wearing flowing white dresses. "Well, while you two get ready to go out there, I'll be watching from the sidelines. I'll be right back." She then gave both of them a thumbs-up. "Sakiko-chan and her room temp are on right now. They sound good, but not as good as you guys."

"Thanks," Nagisa replied, giving her a smile. She then turned to Tamao, "Let's show Sakiko-chan what we're made of." She nodded and gave a thumbs-up.

As Chiyo walked out to the back to go to the bathroom, she thought she heard something familiar over the muzak speakers as she walked into a stall. As she cleaned up at a sink right afterwards, she listened in more. "Hmm..." Then, it hit her like a brick wall. "OH MY GOD!"

Tamao said to Nagisa back in the dressing room, "The audience won't know a thing about that other song."

Then, suddenly, Chiyo ran in, panicking. "WE CAN'T DO THAT SONG!" She was sweating bullets in her worry.

Nagisa, confused, asked her, "What do you mean?"

"I just heard it over the muzak machine in the bathroom," Chiyo explained in a rushed tone. "It's more well-known than we thought!"

Tamao muttered, "Fuck..." She then turned to Nagisa for an answer. "What do we do?"

"Plan B," Nagisa immediately answered her. "It's gonna suck, but we'll have to do it."

Then, another student ran into the dressing room from the stage area. "Nagisa-chan, Tamao-chan, you guys are up."

"On it," Nagisa replied as she got up and grabbed her guitar. Tamao also got up and grabbed her keyboard machine as she and Nagisa exchanged worried looks. "Tamao-chan, let's do this, even if we have to die of embarrassment."

As the two walked out to the stage, they saw the entirety of St. Miator's student body watching them from the seats. Shizuma waved at Nagisa, telling her, "Rock it, Nagisa!"

The redhead nervously gave her girlfriend a thumbs-up. She thought to herself,  _"This is gonna suck..."_ She then cleared her throat as she stepped up to the microphone with her guitar.

_My lovely horse, running through the fields_

_Where are you going with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?_

_I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences_

_I want to polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist_

_My lovely horse, you're a pony no more_

_Running around with a man on your back, like a train in the night_

_Like a train in the night (Nagisa: Hold on, I can get this!)_

_Like a train in the niiiiiiiiight...._

As the song played, Sakiko and her room temp broke down in laughter backstage, thinking that Nagisa and Tamao had effectively thrown in the towel to them.

* * *

 

"I don't know how," Nagisa replied as she popped open a bottle of champagne. "But we won!"

Indeed, against all odds, their song had won. In the dressing room, Nagisa, Tamao, Chiyo, Shizuma, and Miyuki all celebrated. Tamao asked of Nagisa, "A glass, please?'

"Of course," Nagisa replied as she poured her some champagne. "We deserve it."

Shizuma said to Nagisa as she put an arm around her. "You guys did good out there." She then gave her a kiss on the cheek, making Nagisa blush and smile.

Then, suddenly, Sakiko ran in, looking annoyed and angry. "Okay, I need an explanation, Rokujou-san!"

Miyuki looked at her, surprised, and asked her, "What is it?"

"How did their song win?! It was literally just the same note over and over again!" She was perplexed how her complicated song lost to their simple "song," if one could even call it that.

"Well," Miyuki said, struggling to find an explanation. "It was... It was very simple..."

"I get that," Sakiko replied. "It's almost as if you want our school to lose this year?"

"Lose?" Nagisa then laughed, followed by a worried Shizuma and Miyuki. "Why would we want that?"

"Perhaps it's because we won it 5 years in a row and it was costing us too much to stage it every year after we won it," Sakiko brought up, referring to the rule that the school that won that year's AstraeaVision contest would have to host it the year following.

"Come on," Nagisa replied, not believing her. "That doesn't make any sense. I think you should just go on now."

"Fine," Sakiko replied as she gave up. "I wish you luck." She then walked out of the dressing room.

Shizuma whispered to Miyuki, ensuring Nagisa would not hear them, _"She's on to us."_ She then turned to Nagisa, "Well, good luck in the AstraeaVision contest, my love. I can't wait to see you there."

"Thank you," Nagisa replied before she took the initiative and moved into Shizuma for a kiss, surprising her, since it was usually the other way around. After they split, Nagisa said, "I'll be sure to do much more than that later."

* * *

 

_Ultimately, that year, the final score was:_

_1\. St. Spica, 60 points (WINNER, NEXT YEAR'S HOST)_

_2\. St. Lulim, 40 points_

_3\. St. Miator, 0 points_

 


End file.
